Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
