he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
