hotel room ftw
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I touched a dick in church today
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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