I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
