He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
