How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
