Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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