If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
