he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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