Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
