I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize