So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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