take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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