I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
