He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
