ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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