you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
