I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
