I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
