this beer tastes like vomit already
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
