so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
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