I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
