The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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