Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
