he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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