So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
i think i just lost a toe
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
