Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
