Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
