If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
my shit smells like andre
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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