we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
