they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
