Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
