Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize