Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I pour the whiskey from now on
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
