i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
