I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize