This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
