After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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