Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just cropdusted the office
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize