thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
