you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
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