So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
