Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He called his prostate his "boner button".
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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