You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
