What did we do last night that was yellow?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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