is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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