life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
