He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
