you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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