oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
