Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
