Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
