thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
