weddingsv make me drug and hornr
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
