News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
