I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
