Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
