Pants 0. Shit 1.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
