You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
