Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize