I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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