Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
