were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
