You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
