She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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