U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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