K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
