he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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