There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize