I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
