'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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