just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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