im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
