so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
