So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
We named our party play list daddy issues
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
