He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
